a group photo from the camp :)

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hellos people. i haven seen the world for like 22 hours already. wonder how is it. recently addicted to computer games  such as:

left 4 dead, maple private server

and addicted to hitman reborn :)

i lost my charger 2 days ago and am trying very hard to find it. rot at home today just to accomplish a task, watching "the proposal". cant go out with girlfriends cause stacie and adaline has to work and yeexy, she went MIA. Guess she is out with xueni again. i want to eat ben and jerry's ice-cream for god's sake! and i want to eat spicy food. i have a craving for kimchi. hahas. tomorrow gonna go to jurong safra with gladys to lan :) hahas left 4 dead! here i come! though it's scary but exciting at the same time. i want to go to australia!! i have yet to buy my books for next year and i have also yet to go shopping for clothes since i threw away all my clothes and a shirt that cost $56 and i only wore it 2 to 3 times. i'm such a pro.

i miss camp, (6th chinese orchestra leadership camp) and especially group 2 :)  jodenia, norris, limin, jiaqing, kenneth, moses, samantha, pamelin, peywen, ashley, michellin, jieying, yvonne, ruixiang (though i don't know him well), and aoting. and along with some peepos in group one too!! how much fun we had. all live at the other side of the MRT line and how hard for us to meet. we're deciding on when the group outing will be and where we are going and norris does'nt wanna go skating!! no outdoor activities cause it's monsoon season now. OMG so hard to decide where we want to go. we've been at it for like days and still have not decide yet. oh gosh i want outing soon.

Many times the ones we trust most are the ones who hurt us the most.
When trust is gone there is nothing left just a sad and painful mess.
That’s a lesson I learned so hard from all the god-forsaken things you have done.
I had your back; you had my soul and beat it till my blemished lips mouthed nothing but a loathing groan.

I never thought you destroy me so; you played with my emotions and snapped them like pencil
Not even to cry or give a care just took my mind damned it bare.
You try to turn it all around; put all the blame on me
By reminding me of what we use to be
You say “I had my reasons and I gave you chances” but you killed them all
So you sit there laughing your cursed laugh, as I slowly fall into the deep unknown.
I blame myself for this I guess… for I saw the green flame glowing in your glassy eyes
But I chose to devise for you to help you through the suppose “hell” you go through
I am stronger now and I suppose this is the time where I learn who my real friends are
I think its time I delete it all as I walk down this long dreary hall
Because the old me is gone
And everything this time is said and done
Said and done….
Said and done….

Note From Author: I wrote this poem about my best friend (of 9 years) who has been betraying me for almost that long. Since this year we are no longer friends… and she now torments me.

If you need a place, in this reality
Just to be yourself, while everything seems awfully
To cry, to scream, to relief your heart
When you feel your world is falling apart
I will be right here, to wait and hope
And I will gently remove the rope
Which lies and tightens around your neck
Pull you away, and of course I’ll check
The light in your eyes is fading away
Turning black, turning cold, clearly with dismay
Your heart feels far away, gone to disappear
I want you to stay, I want you near
I smile at you, and try to remember
What it was like, no need to go further
Loneliness and sadness passing by
Hand in hand, with tears in the eye
Drowning in words, unnecessary pain
No need to describe, no need to complain
Your eyes are open, lightning once more
Watching, sparkling, just like before
I’ll hold you in my arms, hold you tight
Tell you, that we, together, have won this fight

Hellos People!!!!

Finally back home posting. It's been a long weekend for me.

7 November Saturday

Something bad bad bad happened in the morning wehich i don't wanna mention. then went to have swensons with Nigel and family. after that met hweeling and went to hsinghui's house for her BBQ. reached and saw cheryl kahyong and yanrong, peiqi and szeya there. the BBQ haven start to me and szeya went back yto my house to get swimming costume for the next day's swimming at lakeshore's pool! Like finally lah! say wanna go there to swim from last year till now :D then went back and BBQ started. peifen, adrian amanda and weiji and the rest of hsinghui's friends all arrived. as all know, on 7 november, also me birthday so almost got tortured till very very jialat. then peiqi gave me a tigger wearing a sweater and a card! hahas i love it but not the card due to the content -.-" then was amanda and weiji's tigger!! they both gave me similar tiggers but just that the one weiji, weilin and jiawei bought for me is bigger then the one amanda bought for me. szeya hsinghui and peifen bought me a tee:D then BBQ was like almost crying and laughing lah hahas!!! the most funny part was when amanda was sitting at the batminton court that time and she was on the phone with SOMEONE and she was turning on loudspeaker then that SOMEONE said something that made me and amanda laughed like dont know what like that. after BBQ went back to hsinghui's house and then guessed what? SZEYA'S PRESENT WAS MISSING!!!! then we all cannot find lah :'( she was feeling damn down lah. feel sad for her too. don't know which idiot go take that present. then we played WII!! kahyong brought his wii over to hsinghui's house to play hahas. we were playing super mario at first and i totally suck at that game lah. then we played raving rabbits and i won alot hahas :D then amanda and yanrong was playing the concentrating game and they look retarded lah... then the music de was nice me and hsinghui liked it. then we played the wasahing clothes de like damn fun lah! hahas. after that, we went to create personalise our wii character after me and amanda played boxing (i won :D). we made all of us wish mole on our faces like damn ugly lah! so we made cheryl, yanni, ah soh, wii queen. ah siao, 146cm, badri, and the msot memorable one, XN!!!! hahas then we all played bowling and used XN's character,. all saw her character moving was like laughing lah! then all slept at the living room and then morning wake up.

8 November Sunday

woke up and amanda and szeya went to the bedroom and sleep. me, hsing hui. cheryl, kahyong and yanrong went to mac at HKE to eat. after that went to hsinghui's 2nd sister-in-law's shop to have yanrong's nails done. her manicure was chio lah!!  but it took 2 hours to get it done. we went there at 11am and only left there at 1pm -.-" and then went back to hsinghui's house and guess what? [piggy amanda and szeya still sleeping lah! woke them up and they eat. after that waitied for peiqi to arrive and then went SWIMMING!! so cool lah. then amanda was funny :D (dun wanna mention later she kill me) after that washed up and carried all my presents and we walked to peifen's house. celebrating jiawei's birthday there. the held steamboat at peifen's house and then half way through, the gas for steamboat ran out. me peifen and weiji went to 400+ to buy the gas and vodka hahas. went back and played awhile and then cut the cake ate dessert, drank a little, and went home. bought the vodka and didnt have the chance to drink :( went home and meddle with my stuffs awhile and went to sleep.

9 November Monday

woke up damn late today! didnt's go for Co practice as overslept. :P hurry cabbed down to school for stock take. there were  Ms Lee, me, hweesim, adrian, amanda and peiqi half way through we were hungry. hweesim asked liuyang to help us buy mac and we all ate in the Co room openly hahas! and we packed alot of stuffs into boxes and then all left the undone word for friday. all left at 4.15pm then bused to arena to meet mingsian and yunxian to play pool hahas. after that bused home (cut short alot of thigs)

thanks alot of people for the wishes:

kahcheong, kianwei, hsinghui:), gladys, szeya, xinyu, adaline,nigel, peiqi, weiji, stacie, jiahong, jacky, shirmaine, kokhua, zhiwei,gaopeng,  weekhong, jietong, hweeling, peifen, zhirong, amirah, yeexin, uncles and aunts, grandaunts :)

on facebook:

shaohui, desmond, jiling, jiepin, amanda gan, yennting, jael, zhixiong, alwyn and aunt from germany :)

but still, kind of disappointed. hahas don't know why but i still have that feeling.

that's all :)

yoh! people. and i, jacqi the great is back :D 2 more days people! 2 more days till all the presents come rolling in. though i know that i still owe alot alot of people presents hahas which i will surely get after i have moeny. Adaline, Siyun, Peiqi, yeexin and stacie's coming up. went to jurong point oh no, i meant cab down to jurong point to meet gladys and peiqi and i thought i was the latest. peiqi my dear one cab down like me but in the end just to wait for adrian the 'dua pai' one to finish dota-ing and come to jurong point. went to have lai lai duck noodles and then went to walk around :D saw durian Mpire and wanted to buy but have to resist as have to save money. went to the blues and gladys went for another piercing. went to the old yellow shop the shop there and bought new ear studs for meself and get myself another piercing on my right ear. looks cool man:D

went for co and it sucks as usual. needs conductor's baton so asked the school to buy 2 new baton (conductor's) and so me and glady can use hahas! new one ehs! after co went to jurong point with amanda to eat (supposingly meeting kenn and tingwei) but then like when we reach too hungry so went to eat first and then kenn and tingwei still not in jurong point yet hahas then walked around and went home. oh today totally sucks.

seriously don't feel like going for the camp lah :( and saturday's BBQ! whoo~~ gonna be fun, tonning outside don't know if mum would allow. who cares anyway :)  so yeahs that's all about it.

i'm not worth you doing all these, i hope you'ld stop all those nonsense lah. you know why , but you just won't accept it. i don't want to end up not contacting just because of small matters like this. so stop it lah, i'm getting sIck already with your craps. or else, if you prefer, GET LOST-.-"

holidays started!! oh yes and oh no!

boredom has started. when you have school, you'll wish for holidays. and when you ahve got your dream come true holidays, you'll want to go back to school for classes. oh what the heck is wrong with this world?

Yesterday, woke up quite late, met up with xueni to hand up the subjects combi form to the General office at SCHOOL! the teachers called me up and told me the date line was today and guess what? i was still sleeping lah. -.-" then went to school and yeexin was not there yet. saw mingsian and went to bubble tea shop. then yeexy arrived and we went back to school to hand up the form. Xueni such a bitch lah. she was suppose to help mdm ee with something CCA stuffs and then she asked mingsian to do it for her since she cant get into school with home clothes and mingsian has so much time on his hands. then both the darlings went to yew tee to have sushi.

cab down to jurong point to meet weiji and laobu for lunch and then buy hsinghui and szeya's birthday present at perlin silver. spent alot of money there hahas and weilin saw her soon to be present there :D

weiji then went to work and me and laobu went to bus home (my home) cause it was raining heavily then there was no way she could get home not being totally wet from head to bottom. went home and then after awhile, went to cab to jiawei's house. then went to eat bake rice! Kenn Amanda and Nicholas was suppose to be eating with me at Jurong point pizza hut that afternoon but all of them don't want to go out so all never go.

ate and then home. talked awhile on the phone with kenn and ound out that they did went to eat bake rice after all :(  hahas but still i had my bake rice yesterday and i'm happy already right?

then it was today, woke up quite late and was still very very tired lah.  suppose to meet gladys goh but then something happened so didn't go. stucked home now. not knowing what the heck there is to do now. bored boooored... broookkkeeee also! hahas.

that's all for now folks!

Quoted From SeeYoon's

To every guy that cooks dinner for her.
To every guy that regrets hurting her.
To every guy who knows which girl he wants.
To every guy that’s said, “Sex can wait.”
To every guy that’s said, “You’re beautiful.”
To every guy that was never too busy to drive across town to see her.
To every guy that gives flowers and a card when she is sick.
To every guy who has given her flowers just because.
To every guy that said he would die for her.
To every guy that really would.
To every guy that did what she wanted to do.
To every guy that cried in front of her.
To every guy that she cried in front of.
To every guy that holds hands with her.
To every guy that kisses her with meaning.
To every guy that hugs her when she’s sad.
To every guy that hugs her for no reason at all.
To every guy who would give their jacket up.
To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe.
To every guy that would sit and wait for her for hours just to be able to see her for ten minutes.
To every guy that would give his seat up.
To every guy that just wants to cuddle.
To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what.
To every guy who told his secrets to her.
To every guy that tried to show how much he cared through every word and every breath.
To every guy that thought maybe this could be the one.
To every guy that believed in her dreams.
To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them.
To every guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams.
To every guy that walked her to her car.
To every guy that wasn’t just trying to get laid.
To every guy that actually listened.
To every guy that gave his heart only to have it shoved back in his face.
To every guy that prays that she is happy even if you are not with her.
This one is for you

today is the 3rd last day of school and i'm at home. something happened yeaterday which i don't wanna mention.

my newly loved group, B2ST/ BEAST

hahas i love AJ lah.

ok, i'm like so random... -.-"

okays that's the end for pictures.

i've had enough for this week. mission impossible was not made possible, atleast not for me.

smile, that's what is easy to say, but no force a smile outta a person is not really a happy thing to do.

cry, why waste tears?

anger, why stay angry with something that is not worth your anger.

happiness, laughter, brings all sadness to sleep and brighten up your day like your very own sun.

some say just smile, but you're just hiding your tears from yourself. it's easy to decieve others but we humans just cant decieve ourselves. if we can, our lives would just be much more happier that what we are now. lies, i hate lies. but humans do lie, what can we do if someone have the intention to lie to you and keep the truth from you? for good or bad, it does'nt matter.

ice, freeze yourself , freeze your emotions. that's what i'm currently facing. let's continue to freeze and let the ice become harder and harder as day goes by.

force a smile to make people around you feel better and let's not spoil their day. join in the fun even though you know you won't have any true laughter coming from you at all. face the facts, and just admit that you're not living what you want to be.

something tells me that i want to continue being an ice girl. something tells me that i dont wanna bother about anything else for the time being. something tells me that i do actually care for people around me. something tells me that people around me are trying to hide alot alot of things. something tells me that i'm a failure in life. something tells me that i have to smile.

"做人要看开一点"

it's true. let's all just go back to the way we were before all these unhappiness intrude into our lives.

last but not least, "happy birthday mummy".